Objects in mirror are closer than they appear.

Sometimes I feel like I am learning things I’ve already learned. Which technically is being reminded, but instead of wasting the time to re-learn, why not just look back?

June 2, 2007

I thought of this after the scavenger hunt today.
What is leadership?

My drill sergeant at LTC once said this:

“Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Questions are how you learn stuff, but don’t ask stupid questions. Stupid questions like, ‘why is the sky blue?’ The answer’s easy, it’s because God loves the Infantry. Or stupid questions like, ‘what makes the grass grow?’ Easy, it’s blood.”

In the past week or so, I have had three dreams related to the military. One was the operation where my vehicles got eaten by Hydras, then the other day, I dreamed about getting my Final Select into the BDCP. Two nights ago, I dreamed I was back at LTC. In my mind, I knew what was going on since I had been there before, but inexplicably, I made the same mistakes that I made before the first time around.

Last night, I had a dream about Sherri. I don’t really remember what it was about anymore…but I know that since she’s been gone, I’ve thought a lot more about her. Hanging out with our friends doesn’t feel the same. I guess I didn’t realize how important she was until she left…

Asian hair: What do you think of? Spiked? Probably. I used to spike my hair. If you dig up old pictures from Freshman year of college, you’ll see how I used to put in gel and spike it.

I decided to do that again today, for the first time in a year. You see, it’s July 12th, so that means that I was finished with LTC at Ft. Knox. Meaning that I had a high-and-tight, down to the skin all around and maybe 1/4th inch on top. I’ve been wearing that haircut since then. It’s simple, easy, and I feel like people take me more seriously.

Back to today…I looked at myself in the mirror a little after gelling my hair…and it made me sick. I can’t stand styled hair anymore. To me, it reeks of immaturity, punk-ass attitudes, and stereotypical Asian-ness. Can’t take it.

This is from the Army ROTC Commissioning Ceremony that I attended June 22nd, where I watched the senior cadets of the ROTC battalion finally commission as 2nd Lieutenants into the U.S. Army.

Speaking was a 3-star General, who’s name I forgot. He said some very ideal, but true things about leadership:

• There are four important aspects to leadership:
  1. Courage - The courage to do the right thing, take responsibility, and venture outside of your comfort zone.
  2. Commitment - Acting on that courage, and following through on the responsibility.
  3. Competence - Recognizing your strengths and weaknesses, using those strengths and improving the weaknesses. Leading by example is a must.
  4. Confidence - Confidence not only in yourself as a leader, but confidence in your subordinates that they can do their job, as long as you do yours. A good leader inspires confidence in the people around him about him. A great leader inspires confidence in the people around him about themselves.
•  There is a distinct difference between command and leadership. Command is a function of law and appointment. You are given command by superiors and government. Leadership, on the other hand, is a function of personality. You cannot be given leadership. Your leadership can be honed, improved, and trained, but ultimately it is dependent on you, and you alone.
• You can be a leader without command. However, you cannot be a commander without leadership.

A big brother of mine left yesterday. Not by blood, but figuratively.

Actually, he’s the only big brother that I’ve really had. Now that I think of it, there is not one person (in my friends, peers, and students) that I respect more than him. I respect all my friends, but for me, he is above just a mere friend. He is a mentor and leader to me.

It all started when I decided to sign up for LTC, and met him at Leadership Lab. In the beginning, he was just a nice guy to me. I kept him in mind as I left for the summer, and coming back, he was actually part of the recruiting effort from ROTC. But beyond all that, he has guided me throughout the year. An inspiration was what he really was, a person that I could aspire to be like. He was kind yet aggressive, humble yet proud, and above all, an encouraging leader that motivated himself and the people around him to do their best.

Without him, I would not have joined the VFSA. I would not have seen the side of the military that he has shown me, the part of the military that strengthens people and develops them into better human beings in society. And without him, I don’t think I would be as strong and confident as I am today.

Personal development is just that: Personal. But no one can go through life on his own, and everyone needs guidance, wisdom, and motivation from people who have more experience. He always told me that my successes were mine, and mine only, but I know that he was instrumental in the background for pushing me forward and motivating me to do my best.

After all the things he taught me, ranging from Army and military leadership to PT and running to student politics, he taught me one last thing while we were cooking dinner for the VFSA. As a parting shot, he taught me how to make bulgogi. It is not the most important thing that I have learned from him, but it is the one memory that I will have of him before he left.

MEPS was an eye-opening experience. The naivety of a lot of the recruits there somewhat reminded me of myself when I first read the ad about the Leader’s Training Course in the Daily Emerald, that fateful day in Winter Term of my freshman year.
I don’t quite remember the day that I saw the ad, but I will never forget my thought process as I read about it. Why it caught my eye more than other military recruiting ads, I will never know. But I remember thinking…oh, that’s crazy stuff. It’s not something I’ll ever do. And then I thought…it sounds like something that could be fun. I should try something that I normally wouldn’t. Besides, I don’t do anything in the summers, anyways.
When I went in to the ROTC office for the information brief, I had never had any kind of military experience. So everything seemed to cool, fun, and exciting. I was a bit wary about my recruiter, but I pretty much ate up everything he fed me. The money incentive was great, and I felt so cool telling people I was doing military training.

The kids at MEPS were the same. A lot of them, straight out of high school. Some of them, not even graduated, just turned 17, and ready to go into the service. Through the training I’ve been through, I’ve really come to respect the military as an honorable duty, regardless of what anyone says. And I commend those kids for doing what they are doing, but I don’t think they realize what they are getting into. After all, that is all they were, kids. Wide-eyed, naive, and wow-ed by the movies, ads, and whatever their recruiters told them. They really didn’t know anything else, hadn’t done any kind of research or meaningful thought into their choice.
Teenage years, from what I’ve seen, are a time where we given the power to make our own decisions…but we haven’t fully grasped the concept of responsibility. And with making decisions MUST come responsibility. For that, I am thankful that I have had the chance to go to college and widen my perspectives, and really try different things before signing the dotted line.

My only hope for these kids being shuffled off into public servitude is that they will be honorable and respectable citizens. And that us college students will be worthy to command those enlistedmen.

Battle buddy is an interesting concept. It was burned into my mind after Ft. Knox: A battle buddy, someone that goes with you everywhere, never leaves your side, and is ready to protect you at the drop of a hat. And you do the same in return. In Basic training, and LTC where I was, we get assigned battle buddies. We are forced to have it, to have the concept ingrained so that it is second nature by the time we get to the real Army. For me, I took the idea home from Ft. Knox.

Battle buddies often have different quirks and personalities. These usually complement each other, though, and as a whole, as a pair, create a stronger and most effective presence. They make each other less self-conscious, because they know that if they fuck up, at least someone else will be along with them, and that there will someone that has their back. And they will follow each other into trouble, if need be.

This year, I was lucky enough to have a few battle buddies. Some, I created by calling them such, and we took the title on. Others were forged throughout the year as we knew each other better and better. Regardless of how they were formed, I am grateful for them. They picked up the slack when I fucked up, took care of the shit I didn’t get done, and stayed by my side. I only wish I can do the same for them when they need.

I was once afraid of speaking my mind for fear of being ’shot down’ or having my ideas rejected and shunned. I was never the best networker, and so by asserting a particular opinion, I knew that some of the fragile bridges I had built would be burned.

However, over the past couple of years, I have slowly figured out that being always passive and agreeable is a lose-lose, because I never was truly understood by others, and others would be puzzled when they found out one way or another that I actually did not agree with what was being done or said. I am loathe to give the military and ROTC so much credit, but I have definitely accentuated that quality through the experiences I’ve had in military leadership: Be assertive, be loud, and be confident.

When I wrote my article in the Daily Emerald about racism and discrimination, I was still afraid. But I submitted it regardless of that fear, which is something that I would not have done a year ago. I was surprised when it was actually featured in the newspaper, and prepared for the definite backlash that would be coming from the MCC’s direction.

Through what I wrote and the discourse that ensued that week, I may have lost some favor with certain people in the MCC and the student groups. In general, on campus, some agreed, and some disagreed, but the majority of people respected me for speaking up, regardless of their opinions. I thought that the ripples caused by the splash would end there, but the effects were far from over. After a week of battering from the opposition, after the guns of the MCC had quieted, voices of agreement started coming out of the woodwork. Various Senators gave me nods of approval, other people wrote similar articles, and the Oregon Commentator reached out. Above all, I know that my friends, and other people that know me personally, see me as a stronger person for speaking up.

There is absolutely nothing to lose in the long run by asserting one’s opinon.

Females in uniform are very attractive. More so if they normally aren’t in uniform, because the ones that are usually are as attractive as a barbeque grill. A burnt barbeque grill. If you doubt me, just go to the Eugene Municipal Court and take a look at the female bailiff.

It’s a shame there aren’t more attractive females in ROTC. I would say that there is, on average, two attractive females per year, and that is giving them the benefit of a LOT of doubt.

If anything, I’m joining the military so one day, a girl will come home and see my uniform…”Hey…can I try this on?”